Not Merely (Empty-Filled Day 28 of 31)

It is not merely death to sin
but fruitful life that I desire.
And though my wish to lose corruption,
fear, and bitterness may fire
my will and charge my heart,
the truth is that I seek far more,
for emptiness is not a state
that I want to be searching for.
Instead of hate, I would protect;
rather than self-focused demands,
a heart of generosity
and graceful service through my hands;
instead of blind, I want to see;
rather than lust, hold in esteem;
instead of enemies afar,
embrace the challenge they may seem
to find the treasures in their hearts.
When God works in me, there's good.
I choose to live within this truth.
Christ's grace will plunder every sin
till righteousness shapes final proof.

Encounter (Empty-Filled 24 of31)

I have not seen your face before
nor do I know what you adore.
I may not understand your ways
--anticipating what you say--
since you're a stranger to my heart.
I could just let our paths depart,
ignoring all that you may be,
all I might give, all we could see
if only I choose love in time,
this moment given by design.
God knows if this is all we have
a kindness shared and swift to pass.
But every choice is offered now.
The widest eyes cannot see how
God's hands will work within that pause
to wrap our lives with love. Because
he shaped your being, he is there.
See this swift treasure, through his care.
And when I think of you again.
I'll pray for you, no matter when.

---

I used to wait for a "best friend" to invest in. Now I've begun to realize that it isn't about friendship spontaneously offered in my direction (though it's a blessing when it happens) it's about God's love poured through me. No moment is too small for him to use; no acquaintance is too random or unexpected.

It's a heart choice to truly believe he can (and wants to) use me to encourage and exhibit his presence to others, even those I don't know. It's moment-by-moment choice to be alert to opportunity instead of progressing through life in a dull fog of self-absorption. But the ability to love ... the good I hope to offer? That is dependent on God's promised presence and capacity, not my own. He never fails to provide all I need.

Even a moment's encounter can become the beginning of a lifetime of prayer. There are people in my past with whom I only spoke for less than a minute, yet they continue to come to mind at odd times. I see those moments as a reminder to pray for them, trusting God to be what I could never have been for them. I can't know if they have faith in God or if anyone else bothers to pray for them, but I know he cares and is interacting with their lives. I hope, in eternity, to discover what God did ... and it will be all the more beautiful to see, knowing he called me to pray about that work.

Do you wait for a relationship to begin before you love? Or do you love first, trusting God to provide a relationship beyond imagination? Whether it is a chance to remember someone and pray, or the beginning of a life-time of growth together ... this we can never know. I have certainly not attained the ability to love this way ... but I've set my eyes upon the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, and continue growing in pursuit of his goodness.

No good thing is impossible with God, and when he is present (as is always the case) everything is woven into a blessing, even a momentary encounter with a stranger.

Imperfected (Empty-Filled 23 of 31)

Imperfect life and effort incomplete ...
unpredicted lines from jolted elbows sweep
across a page while I gasp a breath
and stare as imperfection manifests.
Oh, I could scream!
Or, rather, cry ...
But imperfected life still progresses by
and, captured by the page, I won't understand.
Though if I look up, there is the artist's hand.

---

I'm still fighting what probably isn't a virus, but corrupted files that keep crashing windows, though  restart has been possible (with patience) so far. I'm considering switching to Ubuntu or Mint ... not like I'm certain what that means. My techie friends doth recommend them instead of the window's platform.

All this to say, life is imperfect. But, thankfully, God has a plan ... and it's sure to turn out very good, even if very good doesn't include a laptop.

Verge of an Empty Screen (Empty-Filled 21 of30)

It would be ironic,
but possibility, impending,
says my computer will die
in the midst of this progression
of posts, before I reach the end.
Though I have to admit
trust and confidence stays certain
that God has some plan
hidden back behind the curtain
where faith cannot see,
but believing him continues.
God is still God
even when I feel confused.
I think writing is my calling,
but if directions change
well, there is more to life
than I can see or know.
Sometimes it's hard to hide
the lurking fears below.
So if I post again
and this blog continues on
You'll know God said, "Yes,"
when I prayed the virus gone.

---

Yet another place where I have to trust to be filled when emptiness looms fierce and frightening. I connect to a lot of my favorite people through these intangible pixels.

Do you like my painting of a fighting girl? We'll say that's a virus instead of a weird slime-creature. She became unexpectedly useful, for all her strangeness. If you want to use grandma's doilies ... that's one idea.

Grace and peace to you!

In God's Heart (Empty-Filled 20 of 31)

In God's heart ... I am ...
I am in God's heart.
"I AM," he said
so fear would depart.
Who am I?
No matter.
Who he is ... is all.
In God's heart, I am,
and he does not fall.

---

The Faith Barista topic this week had this catchy gap for us to fill, but this is what came through to me, instead. Empty spaces  sometimes contain truth already.

Click here to find out what everyone is putting in the gaps. I'm certain this topic will produce a plethora of beautiful truths in regards to God's promises and our relationship with him.

Un-fueled Wicks Still Burn (Empty-Filled 19 of 31)

A phoenix once tried
not to die, but fought to live
and lost what she sought.

---

Once God touches a life by creating it, there is no lack of meaning, just people who seek out and learn from that meaning, and those who don't.

It's sad when the person who lives the life doesn't accept the fuel upon which they could blaze eternally, but continues to flame through life, disconnected ... yet there is still heat and light in the burning of the wick outside the lamp because God made that wick, though it flares and passes away.

Some do their best not to burn, to conserve their resources and exist as long as possible. Others seem to want to be destroyed, and fling themselves into anything that might consume them all the more rapidly.

But, when we become part of the eternal fire ... why do we still continue in this fashion? Why do Christians live as if the wick of their life is the limit of their fuel? Why do we burn as little as possible ... or blaze destructively, pulling our roots out of the fuel that would sustain our light and protect us from the flame? Why do we live on empty?

Why do I live on empty?

It isn't the size of the wick either in life-length or composition that determines my effectiveness, it is the purity of the fuel in which I'm saturated and the size of the blaze within which I burn.

The benefit of God's presence? While I burn away ... the fuel within me turns gold ... eternal and unfading value. I am filled. I just need to trust the one who fills me and live on it. How I live changes because of the reality of the hope within me.

Empty Effort (Empty-Filled 18 of 31)

Work in progress!
Touch the label a moment
and remember there once was nothing.
How far to the end?
Only the artist knows.

---

Remember that secret project I mentioned? Wow, is it tearing me apart! I keep trying to add significance to explain why I'm doing this ... and then honesty forces me to admit that it's possible this endeavor won't be so "worth it" in the end.

I'm finishing just to finish at this point. Oh,... and because this idea has been knocking at the door for ... hmmm ... let's just say six years or more. Or perhaps I'm doing this because it has already been significant to me, and I want to explain it to others. Now THAT perspective helps me keep going.

But the only way I can share it is to finish. And even then ... it's possible nobody will understand. In fact, since I'm "collaborating" with an artist whose work I admire, but who is too famous to care if I like their work, it's possible I won't be able to share it at all ... because I'm going to have to ask permission.

Have I put this much effort into anything recently? *sigh* Empty effort? I don't know.

At least it's good for me to keep persevering even if nobody else ever benefits. God knows I need the practice. And I'm learning a lot about redemption while sacrificing a dream by risking reality.

Blessings (Empty-Filled 17 of 31)

come to this page
open
empty
with nothing to say
no valid thought

count the cost 

releasing every other way 

lost

and empty

we are sought 

to inherit eternal treasures 

awaiting 

unseen promises 

forget them not 

---

Do any of us really understand the promises we have been given? 

I don't think I do. I'm reading Ephesians. EVERY spiritual blessing? 

Every ... single ... possible ... blessing. 

I think I cry over losing my mud-pies in the darkened alley while God is dragging me off to the white-sand beaches. (Thanks, C.S. Lewis, your imagery sticks in the mind very well.) The thing is, I don't know enough to imagine those heavenly blessings. I'm going to have to trust God with it and go with him on the journey. 

So far, I have to say,... the blessings I've seen are way better than what I thought I wanted most. Real joy is better than vaporous happiness.

Grace and peace to you, my friends. I hope you're seeing them too.

Change the World (Empty-Filled 16 of 31)

It's always time to change the world.
A simple question:
How?
In the midst of every day,
the way I'm living now,
I change the world
for family, friends,
and those I've never met.
Influence that spreads beyond
my conscious intent.
It's only when I have no view
that limits are perceived.
Would I choose to act at all
if I knew how far I reach
with each decision of my life,
the subtle path I take?
So which direction will I go?
What choices will I make?

---

I have a strong tendency to see myself as ineffective and insubstantial. But the fact is, I do have an effect on the lives around me, on my children, husband, friends.... Also, the words I share here have no walls or time barrier to prevent them from being read not only around the world, but for years into the future.

When I factor an omnipotent God who uses everything into my equation, it becomes obvious that there is no boundary, no limit, to the ripples a life touched by his presence may cause. That ineffectiveness I keep telling myself about? It's a lie. (Of course, I also have to remember that God is perfectly capable of pushing into obscurity what deserves obscurity. I certainly hope so, anyway.)

But because of him, what I do also changes the world. Am I changing it for the better? Or, rather, am I maintaining a deepening relationship with my God, who always changes the world for the better?

I'm not the one that changes the world. God is. But everything and everyone who belongs to him is a part of his good plan. Telling yourself it isn't possible ... is telling God his promises aren't true. "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." 

Confusion (Empty-Filled 15 of 31)

I sat on a stone and spoke like rust,
and flaked stained thoughts on faith and trust.
Oh, the things people will say,
defining God, claiming his way.
I told my friend that I'm confused.
Once liquid words now don't taste true.
And my experience has changed
as critical view says I've betrayed.
Though I know truth isn't from within
--that solid answer to my sin--
it's still a shock to know decay
when I look, there is my selfish way.
But, no, the structure isn't mine
that supports a truth when I try a phrase
that shapes a meaning fresh defined.
An outer resource pours on through,
and tears a path to shape me, new.
Eternal fountain, I open wide
to grace, where replaced hearts reside.
I do not need to understand,
but just depend on your promised plan. 

No Hope (Empty-Filled 14 of 31)

Today my heart whispers
"No hope. No hope."
Cry, cry, cry
lost tears in the dark.
Oh, friend,
words flow bitter
like time through sand.
All good is forgotten
and I feel alone.
Nobody, no, no one
could understand.

AND YET

God's truth still remains.
Blind eyes don't see the light.
I cannot trust my sight.
Tomorrow, perhaps,
the weight will lift.
Today?
I simply trust in him. 

Fall (Empty-Filled 13 of 31)

Rain taps against the trees outside,
pulling color into drooping leaves
as they twist and fall to cooling soil.
Grey clouds cover the sinking dome
where the sky shivers, hunched against
the north wind's encroaching chill.
The earth whispers to sleeping roots,
carrying a mocking, sush-shush
reminder of leaves on breeze, swift tires
crushing the sound from dampened roads.
Grown children run in search of warmth
behind solid doors, bright light glows still.
And there, in the slow emptying,
the bones of the land are exposed,
to quietly await the warming of the sun.

Enduring Light (Empty-Filled Day 12 of 31)

Unveiled secret in the moments
of the casual day-to-day:
when core focus shifts perspective
we must walk a brand new way.
Circumstances change
like glow of fire upon the wall;
it's the flame that keeps on burning
when the shadows loom too tall
that somehow survives the passage
of the night, to greet the sun.
Fuel your light upon the knowledge
of the bright, eternal One.

---

Life changes so swiftly. Yesterday I learned this again as a family member faced unexpected medical problems in the midst of what had been a well-planned vacation. Events that had seemed too important to miss the day before were set aside as a matter of course. It is when our schedules come to a stop that we realize how insubstantial they are, wafting away like a vapor when they had seemed so firm.

But there is one constant reality, and it is when the unreal expectations fall away that we can see it the most clearly. We exist in a network of relationship founded on God's presence that links us to one another. There we see the true treasure of connected hearts and cherish the gift of love that sources a  meaning too often displaced.

God feeds the soul ... and through him we have too much to hold in, which is why we need relationships to share the overflow of his presence.

---

The image above is one of several I have formatted into cards for you to print and use. Christmas is approaching. If you haven't decided on your cards for this year, you may want to take a look at the collection.

 

---

This post was written for the Faith Barista community prompt:  Feed your soul.

Relational Voids (Empty-Filled 10 of 31)

Frustrating, these times
when we do not see,
heart to broken heart protrusions
jostle and mark
while misunderstanding gapes
untouched, between.
Yet still we are held
by the maker of meaning.
Do we really know he is beyond?
The present and substantial whole
(that fills the gaps
for which we wrong each other's soul)
rises and says, "I am here."
And trusting his presence
removes the fear, amid edges sharp
in our broken ways where we don't fit,
like a puzzle should
and never, never (without him) could.
Adore he who is the binding way
between, the greater story
on which we cling, the image
that unites the shapes
and sense of separate portions makes.

---

I've been reading Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp. It swiftly joined my "reread yearly" list. I'll be marking up the pages for a long time.

It's becoming clear to me that broken  people just don't fit seamlessly into relationships, even when our interactions go well. We need our relationship to God between and within us to both unite and protect our hearts. And ... the good thing about this uniting factor is that everyone has a relationship with God ... though some are aware of the fact and others are not. He simply is a participant at all times, even if the thought is resented.

Knowing God is present in all situations and always with good intention creates a healing wrap for wounded hearts, while also clearing a place for unity even when the interaction may be painful. After all, he can resolve impossible differences as we rely on his character ... and he can heal impossible wounds even when the differences remain.

Or perhaps the word "impossible" isn't so very applicable when God is in the picture. I think that opening our eyes to the good and the possible is one of the gifts God brings when we are alert to his presence.

I'm just learning how to think about this.... Do you know what I mean?

The Unlikely Missionary (on Empty-Filled Day 9 of 31) and a book to read

I always thought it was what I would be,
finishing school as a missionary.
I thought I'd be like dad and mom
in foreign missions my whole life long.
But it didn't turn out that way
and I wasn't sure which choice I made
was the turning point for this other path,
so I dreamed of changing back the past.

For a long time I was too concerned
with what might have been to really learn
what God could do with me today
if I would accept he works this way.
Years slipped by at a ragged pace.
I began to serve in my current place.
I learned to love, then learned again
as this broken world broke me in.

And the empty places left by my dreams
were filled by grace, bursting at the seams.
I found God's mission where I live
in the lives I touch and the love he gives.
And sometimes, when I have the chance,
I may reach beyond to other lands,
because God uses his children when
they learn to serve, leaning on him.

---

When Dan King offered free copies of his ebook for review, the title immediately caught my attention. I'm fascinated by missionary work since I grew up as a child, grandchild, and great-grandchild of missionaries, and still dream of reaching out in meaningful ways to those who suffer from poverty, disaster, and lack of education, especially those who have not yet heard of Christ and the gift he offers to the world.

The Unlikely Missionary is a story of God at work, and the journey that  still continues to grow from Dan's decision to invest in helping the poor in what he thought to be a very small way. You'll want to read how God shaped the effectiveness of his contributions and built more than he could have ever thought possible before experiencing how large God's presence looms in his efforts to love meaningfully.

I remembered, as I read Dan's story, that I'm not the measure of my capacity to help others. God is.

I'm prayerfully considering new ways I can support missions. It hadn't occurred to me that my simple blog might be a blessing to charities and missions just by telling their stories, even though I've been swept away by others who have done so. I'm looking forward to seeing how God will use Dan's book as it becomes available for sale tomorrow. Take a look!

Significance (on Empty-Filled Day 8 of 31)

capacity lacking to ever contain
the shape of life's meaning
or the rough touch of fame
I bow down and weep
feeling vastly ashamed
for even wanting more

this vacancy burns like a fire
a deep and enduring desire
arising from hollows I don't understand
vast darkened places, can't hold in my hand
though I reach up and whisper a desperate sigh
from the depths where I curl up and cry

it isn't sourced within me, this mark of eternity
I'm made for the maker of life
who pours out a power that surges through time
to open a course that changes the world
emptiness opened to fill with his word

shaped by his careful design
a significant life only he can define
I don't fix the borders
no one else has a say
in the work he will do
through my life today

---

I was told recently by one of my mentors that she sees me as having set my significance in a place it is not meant to hold. I'm not sure if she was talking about my conviction that I am insignificant, or my desire to become significant. (I need to ask her.) But I have been thinking about what she said, and the poem above expresses a few of my conclusions, though the thoughts are still growing.

For a long time I had a very hard time naming any good qualities in my character, though I struggled hard to prove to myself and others that I had it wrong ... that I could somehow be significant anyway. At last, I came to the honest conclusion that even though I didn't like it ... the facts couldn't be denied. I not only am insignificant, I can take significant things and make them insignificant too. That's what sin does to a person.

BUT That is not the end of the story.

There is no depth beyond the love of Christ. I was never meant to be significant on my own. I'm meant to be a conduit for Christ. And no matter how insignificant the person or object Christ touches ... it becomes significant merely from relating to him, and has significance because he created it. Even those who don't believe are touched by his presence.

So if I really believe Christ's promise to move in and make me a temple of his breath and fire, I'm incapable of being insignificant ... just because he is here. Emptiness is filled ... and there is no limit. My capacity or lack thereof means nothing. A small vessel simply overflows when too much is poured in ... and it seems to me that overflowing is a good thing.

---

Oh ... if you're paying attention you'll note that, Day 7 has been left empty. It is actually oh-so-full of a secret project begun on Day 6 as a result of the thoughts I wrote ... but it is not complete, so you will have to wait--possibly a long time, since there are several steps to completion and I've only finished the first.

Every time I say that, you never hear of the project again, hmm? That is my fault. I have a strong tendency to give up on complex projects, assuming I wouldn't accomplish them to my satisfaction, anyway. I'm hoping not to leave the project empty this time, but to walk all the way to the end and see if God fills the space beyond my expectations.

If I really do believe that God is the maker of significance, then it doesn't matter how insignificant I (or my project) may feel. What matters is handing it to him empty, and seeing what he pours in.

Space in a Song (on Empty-Filled Day 6 of 31)

they sing words of empty worlds
shadowed hearts and lonely steps
marking time between the places
break facades
where they have wept

upon the stage the message lingers
nothing more beyond this time
and audiences watch and wonder
how the song traced their design

gap in the breath
where music fills
and flows across the fragile bridge
to ask the questions
there portrayed

oh, listen
weeping heart
be still

between the stanzas of the searching
there
upon the honest break
do you hear the answers lurking
waiting amid open space

though all of life is shaped
by question
hearts are broken endlessly

still
the truth is out there
waiting

will you listen
will you see

---

I admit, there are many secular songs that rank at the top of my "listen over and over" list. They ask the questions that should be asked ... sometimes indirectly. And I love to hum the answers between the lines, sing them over the bridges, wrap them into the music where the questions have been defined.

Those empty questions are filled with answers supported by truth, and I don't need to fear them. They open the door ... remind me of the more I have been given, of the goodness I long to share.

Do you have a favorite song that reminds you of the truth by shaping the empty place where the answer should be found?

Prayer in Whitespace (on Empty-Filled Day 5 of 31)

Pray:
Point by point listed solutions to send,
one thousand three hundred million and ten
poured out to the margins and checked again
as to the efficiency managed, and when.
Pray:
Let fall endless fragments, defined line by line.
Wash words in the waters to fade over time;
pressed flat or folded they do not contain
enough empty places to record his design.
Pray:
Open white spaces waiting to be filled,
no longer enchanted by self-defined will.
Gentle interaction, this trust to retain
his constant presence sustaining and still.

---


This Thursday's Faith Barista community prompt:  What are your thoughts on prayer in whitespace?
Whitespace: those quiet moments where we ponder truth and trustfully listen to the presence of God.

Image: Faith Grows from my Solitary Life photo collection. (Printable under a Creative Commons by NC license.)

Meditation (on Empty-Filled Day 4 of 31)

Pause on the threshold of just filling time

with motion and vision and sound. 

Risk such a moment, lost without sign 

of profit to measure for investing such wealth. 

Let slip through your fingers the insistent claim 

that all must be filled in full round. 

Face up to the hollow of this empty space 

where the tick-tock may echo 

in a challenge now felt 

as boredom threatens colors to fade. 

There, frantic desire for entertainment lingers. 

(Props for the masses whose passage through 

is measured by stanzas unreasoned and few.) 

Do you find, in the silence, 

a voice, still and small?

Finally, 

answer eternity's call.

---

Empty moments are necessary in order to be filled. Time isn't meant to always speed past. It has the capacity to expand ... and it is then that we find more value and growth than ever, apart from the rush. Using such moments as openings to listen for God's voice, teaches us to hear him even when life closes back in and the sound of the clock fades behind the clamor of choices waiting to be made.

Thought prompted by my friend Kelly Sauer. 

Image:  Cloud Castle - Launch into Dreams of Flight  (Printable under a Creative Commons by NC license.)

Liquid (on Empty-Filled Day 3 of 31)

Full of tears, that liquid place,

deep beyond the drowning point 

where breath and water meet.

There, in the waiting dark, 

catch on gentle touch then breathe. 

Again the lively bubbles rise, 

improbable there as onward still 

the motion flows and current tows 

in search. Here deeper life now glows

where all would dread to seek. 

No height of heights above the sky, 

no depth beyond below, 

can keep me from the breath of him 

whose life, within, I hold.

---

Sometimes depression feels like that empty place where nothing could ever reach, not life, not hope ... not joy ... not peace ... nor salvation ... yet, somehow ... the poem is true. 

A side note:  The reason I enjoy fantastic stories is because the miraculous is acceptable. I think there is more miracle in everyday life than we can perceive.

Artwork:  Silver Tears (Printable under a Creative Commons by NC license.)

Day 2 of 31 on Empty-Filled

First came the silent,

empty place ... before a voice

and words built vision.

I'm committing to the 31 day challenge from Chatting at the Sky, writing on Empty-Filled, though (fittingly) I missed the first day due to continued dithering over whether I'd even try. That empty spot on the 31 day schedule prompted the short poem above, reflecting other times when empty is just the beginning.

What can I say? I'm only full beneath the constant deluge of God's grace, and the moment I look away from the source of that fulness, I discover I am empty.

Artwork:  "Beginning" (printable non-commercial creative commons licence with attribution)