Hope ... and Writer's Retreats

I need community, not only because people are necessary when one chooses Christ's love as a lifestyle, but because God uses people to build his church and I alone am nothing but a stone tumbled and worn amid the winds and tides of life.

In light of this, I appreciate the beautiful people among the High Calling leadership and bloggers. God pours through their hearts and out into the blogs, emails, and comments I read. It is people like these, broken yet whole, with whom I am grateful to connect, from whom I desire to learn. Together, we follow Christ and unite to greater purpose than any part knows. I am greatly blessed because of them and long to offer as precious a gift in return.

When I read about the Laity Lodge Writer's Retreat via High Calling I felt the world turn over for a moment. Each of the workshop descriptions had me whispering to God ...

• Learning to write about the journeys you carry me through? God, you know I love sharing your story in my life!
• Writing books that are worth re-reading? Wow, it's a chance to learn from one of my favorite authors. What an opportunity! Besides, it would be so fun to thank him face to face.
• Transforming memories into poetry that touches hearts? You created me to love writing poetry, you know. It's a precious thought to consider doing so with a group and learning from them.
• Consuming art to create my own? Ah, God, I want to live in imitation of your unlimited and overwhelming creativity.
• Learning how to write meaningful songs? I wish I knew more about this, too. Maybe I might one day share the songs you sing within me?
• And there's an artist participating too! You know I love art... Maybe I could figure out how and where you want me to share the beauty you're teaching me to shape.

I yearned for the ability to purchase a ticket for a moment before quietly turning away with the knowledge that it couldn't happen this year. God reminded me to look to him, and I whispered the wish that a miracle might occur ... knowing God gives good even without retreats. Believing this, I set the dream in the hand of God and told him I'd look forward to learning from the blogs of those who would attend.

Now the High Calling has given me the opportunity to hope and ask God if the chosen one might be me. But I know there are others who hold the same dream and are trying for the same drawing, so the wish remains where I left it, resting on the trust God deserves no matter the result.

Whoever is chosen to attend will be blessed. And if you have the means to go, please do! I have no doubt you will be blessed.

Sigh

Caught up in the moment

between yes and no,

child,

you ask again, again.

I forget now the answer I gave.

And you?

You forgot to listen.

Night Sky - Guest poem by my daughter

I gaze upon the night sky,

Stars shine,

The moon is full,

Crickets sing,

As I gaze upon the night sky.


By Katie Eck

Irritation Grows Pearls

How often do we see a problem and say, "They ought to have changed that long ago!"

Life is full of cultural expectations and habits that don't function well in reality. Some are none of my business and out of my reach. Those I must turn over to God as I think of them, for the sake of sanity. But sometimes I notice problems because God has opened my eyes with the intent of making me part of the solution, and I am responsible to him both for my attitude and the actions (or lack thereof) I input into the situation.

Option 1:  Blaming others for the problem. Blame hasn't managed to change the world yet, and continuing the same attitude while expecting different results brings its own obvious conclusion. No change. Blame looks at the past and present with empty and helpless indignation. It not only fails to bring any positive action into the problem, but adds my own negative irritation into the mess of wrong already brewing.

Option 2:  Trying to force others to change the situation. This seems like positive action, but when reality sets in it is clear that there is nothing anyone can do to change the hearts of those around them. Even God permits each individual to have a personally selected response ... though he's good enough at managing the world that it doesn't prevent him from shaping ultimate good anyway, or pushing our buttons to get the reaction he wants. But I'm not God, and when I push people's buttons I tend to irritate others to no good purpose.

Option 3:  Reaching with our own hands to sooth the irritation and inviting others to join us. This is where faith becomes intense and personal. Come to find out, we never have the means to expel the irritation that sin strikes within holiness, but God has promised he is the sufficient answer all the same ... and all we are asked to do is reach out and trust that our hands will be filled with what is needed for obedience in the building of a pearl.

And this is where I am.

My pet problem? (Which I used to expect everyone else to fix so I could approve of them.--As if my approval matters??? Heh!)

I'm irritated with the church (in a very general, nonspecific, impersonal, generic manner) for failing to allow questions, and for failing to teach the questions that ought to be asked in order to find the answers God provides.

There are obviously people out there who handle questions rightly or I'd never have come to the point of realizing that there are a whole lot of us who make a mess of facing questions and even act as if God were threatened by them ... myself included. This whole problem comes from blindness and expectations that things ought to be a certain way because they always have been, or we think it must be so.  I'm sure my husband and kids would testify to this attitude in my life.

I'm not sure where we (i.e. select portions of the general church) came up with the idea that we need to defend God. Up until this point he's been really good at taking care of himself. Of course, he uses his people as participants in his answers to such challenges ... but he's not beyond using the life of the person who challenges him as the answer, then making sure it's recorded so everyone can hear about the mess this person made of asking the wrong questions and/or not listening to the answers God gave.

What should I do now that I see this?

Well, for one thing, I keep running into people (and dead authors) who love to philosophize about life, the universe, and everything. It took a while for me to catch on, however, that God wanted to use them to provoke me toward the right questions so I'd seek him for the answers; and then to use me to provoke the right questions in wanderers so he could draw them to his truth.

Now that I've noticed, I'm becoming more purposeful in my studies. I'm also becoming far more aware of my inadequacy to respond wisely, and how that doesn't for a moment mean God is somehow inadequate. I'm also finding that such moments are meant to cause me to seek him and depend on him all the more. It turns out that asking God questions leads to stability, even if there is no answer in sight beyond his already demonstrated character.

God is the answer and answerer. He also states that there are mysteries he set for us to explore, and indicates that a lack of obvious answers not only cannot prevent faith, but can actually enhance faith. He also mentions that nobody can avoid seeing that there are questions and answers woven into the structure of the universe that are meant to lead us to God, and that he is so obvious that people have to fight to avoid recognizing his truth.

So when God is that wise, that obvious, that overwhelming ... we can trust him with questions and even blatant hostility to the search for truth.

And so I'm learning to find the questioners who are stuck in the wrong questions or who have been struck down for asking them, and listening. I'm studying ways to ask better questions and pursuing this ministry because it's always in front of me. God keeps bringing hurting questioners before my eyes.

I know I'm inadequate for the task and still often ask the wrong questions myself.

Somehow, the whole Bible seems to be about inadequate people and the value God infused into their lives in spite of themselves. So when he says he is strength in my weakness and wisdom in spite of my foolishness.... I think his provision can be applied to any attempts to reach into the fault-line and glorify him.

Who knows how the story will end? I'm certainly just as easily a victim of blind sin as the next person. But since God is at work in me, nothing else matters in view of eternity. Perhaps someday I will learn how to really trust him ... as I practice trusting him day to day. And hopefully the process will glorify him in the eyes of others, also.

Right now I'm figuring out how much God meant when he promised abundant blessings, and what that means in the offering of free gifts to others in overflow of all he has given me. Because I was asking the wrong questions about where to find those gifts, I didn't see them. Now I've only begun to glimpse the plenty I've had all along ... and how I can share it. New vistas are opening.

What can I say? God is more good than I know today and will show himself to be even better than I can imagine tomorrow, also.

 ---

For other perspectives on the topic, "What is a passion or interest you'd like to nurture and grow?" Visit the Faith Barista community.





Also, follow this link for some "Imperfect Prose" as I join for the first time with a new-to-me community that tells stories of the redemptive presence of Christ each Thursday.

Bible and Butterfly

 This butterfly came to visit my garden and agreed to pose with my Bible.

 She was unexpectedly helpful.

 And fluttered around a lot longer than I could have expected.

 In the end I couldn't choose just one shot.

 So I'm sharing them all.

 Hopefully this makes you smile as much as I did.

Because sometimes we need to remember beauty.

The Miracle Rose

When our tree dropped on our yard a couple months ago, the broken stump arched high over this lovely lady.

But when the men came
to bring down the high branches
it didn't look possible
for my poor rose to survive.

I bade her farewell
and took some last photos.

For the past month I couldn't bear to look where I knew she was buried beneath stumps like this one.

Today I looked out the window and spotted a bright patch of color ... impossible color.

I snatched my camera and ran out to see.

She is alive. And I KNOW those stumps landed directly on top of her.

In fact ... I think she has more blooms than I've seen on her since we moved here.

God loves to surprise me, I think.

Websites and the Art of Knowing What I'm Building

I'm shaping my home website. Hopefully this time I won't mind leaving it around for others to see. The last few efforts were ... uh ... educational failures.

Right now I'm trying to figure out the best place to share my print collections, possibly in Picasa albums.... I'm still hoping to create some sort of gallery page with download links, since I intend to make much of my digital art available for free (with a non-commercial creative commons license), and am planning to create printable cards (and possibly stationery) as well. I'm hoping freedom of use will be a blessing both to friends who enjoy my art and to anyone who can't afford the purchase of art prints. (Hint:  I'll be collecting suggestions of simple ways for you to bless others with my artwork, also.)

Above all, it is clear to me that any gift that is held too close becomes a burden rather than a blessing. What God has given is intended to bless others, and for now this is the best way to fulfill that calling. It is not as though I will ever run out of new art to create, and where there is abundance, freedom should closely follow. In the end, it is God who brings increase (eternal, emotional, intellectual, or physical). My goal is to present an offering for his use.

My traditional ink work and other originals must continue to bear a price since I can't afford to continually replace the paper and ink. How lovely a thought it is, however, to realize that the true reward of living creatively is the ability to work more. In this case, I would love to work full-time ... just for the means to continue to work, and for that I do not need as much as I once thought necessary. God certainly knows how much or how little is needed; often high expectations only clutter the passage along the way to serving him.

I have not yet purchased hosting for my URL (KareneeArt.com) but I am building the site in WordPress for now. If I understand the process correctly, I'll be able to eventually transfer the whole. For now domain forwarding does the job nicely. I can't afford hosting yet, and won't be able to for some time, so weaving together various free services seems the best option. I want to continue using blogger for my blog, so I'm matching the main links in both sites. It's not seamless, but you won't lose your way too easily.

Building websites is an area in which I am not gifted. This process continues to be a frustration to me, even though I know it's necessary. Someday I hope God will provide a better solution, but for now any advice you offer is welcome. Even general observances about the ease or difficulty of navigation, or pages you would like to see will be helpful. You might even suggest topics you'd like me to write about for future articles?... *grin*

Haunted House

Upset again between this breath and that,
the dark emotions roll against the hidden side
of doors clenched tight, yet still slip through,
hostility expression cannot hide.
Notice how the alert grows stronger,
to warn the selfish heart exposed amid stirred passions
that block the eyes and throw long shadows
against the world despite repression.
No sturdy gate or bridled word prevents the atmosphere from chilling.
As stifled rage prowls in wait for any gap or break in will,
no visitors are welcome here.
Call the new occupant and offer up confession.
Small act of faith, to admit barred soul, self-imposed.
Such weary watchmen guard the door, afraid to come or go.
Yet he slays the gaping monster, hidden deep
behind shuttered windows in the dark,
wary of promises, of all new life and hope.
He fills unstructured vacancies the heart had sought to flaunt
in self-reliance, bold--without love, the core of life,
darkness rose even amid the best intentions,
who rode fanged terrors with blind-eyed wonder
at all who wept and trembled at the sight.--
Small act of faith it is, indeed, 
to admit self as haunted through and through,
then let Life charge through the halls,
break down the walls, illuminate, remodel, renew.
Once empty ruin now shines a temple to behold,
where open doors to tool-filled rooms
unfold continued workings against sin,
a perfect process begun when Life moved in.

___

To read many more (and better) thoughts on small acts of faith, visit the Faith Barista community.

Place - a non-seasonal haiku

I think here you are

in the place I want to be

there I think of you








----

No punctuation. Changing the breath changes the meaning.

---

Speaking of places--My grandfather is now celebrating in heaven, face to face with the fullness of all we so dimly glimpse. We rejoice for him and that he no longer suffers, even as we miss his presence.

I'm somewhat away

I'm spending a few days with family and friends in Florida, saying goodbye to my grandfather. He is looking forward to seeing Jesus face to face soon. I hope to be back to blogging next week.

I've been busy growing up

I'm studying ... not how to become a better artist, but how to live a creative life in a consistently growing relationship with God. While I do glimpse a clear path ahead that includes markers and paper in continual progression of growth, it's becoming clear that saying "this skill only and no more" is a framework based on my own expectation of what God may require of me.

The fact is that circumstances and priorities fluctuate, sometimes predictably, but often in ways we could never foresee.

For a time I could do no activity that might prevent me from maintaining a direct line of gaze to the locations of my children at all times. Now these same children are becoming independent and learning how to make decisions then profiting or benefiting from the consequences. It's more difficult to correct and teach now, especially since I'm still learning how to be an example, coach, mentor, and adviser to them.

It is important to live the life-perspective I recommend to them, and thinking of what I want to teach is changing how I live.

• How can I show them the benefit of developing profitable life habits when I choose to remain in unprofitable ruts just because it's hard to change and circumstances make it difficult?
•  How can I tell them to depend on Christ for the heart-attitude that will breed love, honesty, respect, discipline, and generosity when I forget to rely on him when a person or event unveils one of the shadows in my heart not yet permeated with the his presence? In such times I too often snap into trying to make their actions or the circumstances fit my expectations, instead of recognizing how my own need for Christ has been exposed; though God graciously uses admitting these failures + humble repentance to instruct them anyway.
• How do I teach them that the best goals in life are directed toward the rewards of meaningful service and God-glorifying attitudes amid the labor they are already given to do, if I am thinking only of how to wring some profit from my art, work, time, or money in order to build a comfortable life for myself (and family, of course)?
• How do I teach them that the difficult path is usually the one that brings growth and makes real the truths about God (which we claim to believe) if I am refusing to press through any difficulty that comes my way or simply failing to believe God's promises? Really believing him means I don't have to think self-protectively. I can afford to take the less self-indulgent path,  invest in relationships, and give of my thought, time, talent, or even tangibles generously ... even when they seem in limited supply. "All" my needs, for which he repeatedly guarantees provision, includes everything from emotional security to finances, daily joy, and physical energy. I'm learning to open my eyes and discover where the promise already is filled, after overcoming the blindness created by my focus on how I think it "should be" provided.
• How do I teach them to learn and grow continuously and choose never to become complacent, judgmental, or self-satisfied if I myself am not continuously learning, growing, and accepting new experiences and perspective changes within the gift of wisdom promised by God?

In the end, it is by practicing what I know that I learn how to teach others to live.

I have a sure foundation in Christ. Everything else might conceivably change without notice. Relying on him is the only guaranteed insurance to not only survive, but thrive amid unexpected events, small or great. Such a lifestyle of growth-investment may seem to deplete my reserves through the decisions made from day to day, but the return (even immediately, though also eternally) is far greater than any earthly insurer could offer.

It is possible to live lovingly, fearlessly, and wisely, but only within the security of an open-connection relationship with God.

This is my life's goal, and the goal I would invest in my children.

Adjusted by Praise

I spiral ... it is inevitable. This week I realized that praise is even more important than I thought, and I already thought it was important. But how is praising God a command? And so begins a new turn around the eternal Mystery.

The lesson I learned before gains new dimensions. The knowledge I glimpsed once returns to inspire deeper thought. The truth I understood turns out to mean more than I knew.

But ...

It works the other direction too, if I change focus for even a moment.

The hurt I thought I forgave deteriorates into suppressed bitterness. The sins I assumed were forgotten emerge to foul my relationships. The failures I thought to overcome rot the roots of new efforts.

The difference in the direction of my growth spiral comes from my source of hope. There are only two directions in which to anchor my hope. Jesus Christ's character ... or anything else.

If I am confident in the redemption of Christ, then when sins are exposed by his light I don't have to worry about who might see them. If I really believe the whole of the gospel, then my innate corruption is consistently and publicly admitted just by calling myself a Christian. As I move toward the continual rejection of sin that rises with faith, I cast every evil (inner or outer) into his care, every moment counting on his promise to conquer evil with good and draw me by grace into his will.

He promises that each rejection of self and redirection into Christ profits eternal benefit. And so I praise, for as he transforms me, he demonstrates his ability to redeem sinners ... to other sinners as well as the angels.

I can only block this gift by choosing to credit any positive results to my own effort of will or some other means. So pride and idolatry inhibit Christ's work in and through me by misdirecting the focus of my hope ... and therefore my praise. And thus we come to the thought that broadened my limited view of God once again.

We inevitably praise that upon which we expend our hope.

As an example, consider this small evidence. I want to draw in color. I've studied various markers and think that the copic brand will best fit my drawing style. I have set my hope for these future colorful drawings on the eventual purchase of copic markers. I tend to praise the markers and to rejoice every time I receive a new one. I even study artworks by others who use copics so I can admire the beauty of the colors.

Replace my art and markers with any of your desires and the idea, person, or thing you hope in (or count on) to fill that desire and you'll see what I mean. If you no longer praise what you used to praise, your hope has already shifted away due to disillusionment or a new hope.

Yet the only dependable hope we can cling to is God. He is the provider of every good thing,... even when we are blind to his goodness. But should those who seek God remain blind? We depend on the Spirit of Truth to open the gifts God promises us, itself a promise already fulfilled in those who believe on Christ. And so begins our hope and praise.

Praising God opens us to notice and experience more of God's handiwork. If we want to be in the place where we are more available to be used of God, we must first wholeheartedly praise him. In other words, grateful praise opens our souls beneath the deluge of his grace, where blessings already flow into the whole world ... more than we could ask or even imagine. This is why we can praise even when we don't yet see how God is fulfilling his promises.

The more inspired, true, and constant our praise, the more we will realize his works already in progress throughout the world (and in us) and the more ready we will be to move with the flow of that grace. And moving within grace is ministry.

Thus we accept God's gifts and the works he designed for us from the beginning ... with praise.

Paul tells us to rejoice IN THE LORD. He also tells us God is the past-present-future provider of every need. The more we appreciate what he gives, the more we apprehend the gifts he offers. A gift acknowledged but unused is not yet fully appreciated, for it is in the using of the gifts God gives that we discover how greatly we are blessed.

And so we enter the learning curve:

• He exposes us to his radiant Word. (Who is Christ.) 
• As a result, his light permeates our darkened hearts.
• Exposure to his holiness also exposes sin, of course. 
• We know it's beyond our ability to stop sinning on our own, from experience as well as the negative summary of human strengths detailed in the Bible; but he also enables us to reject the once-hidden desires along with their resulting actions and submit his will into our hearts instead. 
• So we gratefully place our hope in his promise to pour in the necessary heart of Christ and live out active righteousness in us.
• Which changes the parameters from which we live ... removing our limitations. 
• We realize the miracle of his works, and the story of his grace becomes more vivid within our hearts.
• We praise him.
• Our hearts align yet further into focus on his character. 
• The light of his holiness reaches deeper. 
• A realization grows that we are even greater sinners than we knew. 
• We turn to Christ ........and....... there is no end to the spiral until we no longer see him dimly, but face to face. 

I will never sink below the depth of God's grace. I will never overreach the highest extent of all the goodness he is. I guess that even eternity will not be enough time to explore the greatness of the God who reaches into my death and tells me that even though I'm a vacant and foul mess, he loves me and wants to be the wholeness of my desire so I can be filled with his life and light.

The more dependent upon him I become, the more independent I may seem. But only listen so I may tell you the source of the hope that lives in me. God certainly deserves far more praise than I can give on my own. Let's share the story of his works so we can all praise him together!

After all, praise opens our hearts to greater hope ... and that hope is more than satisfied in the Lord.

---

Join the Faith Barista community as we consider what has drawn us closer to God recently.

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Yesterday, as I worked on the 3x5 sketch that illustrates this post, it inadvertently inspired the phrasing of the first line. 

Self-Portrait ... and Dream

I decided to participate in a few contests for the prizes, the challenge of it all,... and to stretch my skills. The first was a self portrait contest. I took 150+ photos over several nights (since I don't have a darkroom) setting the camera for 15+second exposure and using a flashlight to paint the objects in the image ... which is rather difficult to do when one is IN the image.

Kelly Sauer was kind enough to give me a few pointers, though I went my own way in the end. I chased the story of the images instead of focusing on good photographic guidelines.

I submitted the first photo in the series below because it looked like a story ... so much so that I was able to lose my self-consciousness in pondering what that story might be. So I wrote it!

Here is the story of Dream.

There once was a girl named Dream,

who lived in a solitary light beam with a nameless wooden mannequin and his jewel.

She often wondered where he had found it as she admired its shimmering form,

so the mannequin told many stories of magical jewels that glowed with mystery, light, and beauty,

but he wouldn't give her an answer in the end.

He spoke of his gratitude for a companion in the darkness, and she smiled and agreed.

She wondered at the mystery of his presence. 

Though his stories gave her joy, they never explained her life.

One day she asked if she could hold the jewel, but he refused, instead telling the story of a gem that would awaken a lost heart from the deepest sleep.

She didn't understand the meaning of 'sleep' and he didn't explain. 

So, within the light, they remain....