Jealousy

You were there, standing in a world I couldn't see--alive, vivacious, brilliant. I strained to capture the light and discovered I was dangling my fingers into a quiet pond, dreaming again.

You strode onward, progressing into growth and dripping tendrils of beauty from your fingertips. I reached after you, cupping my hands to catch the glimmering trace you leave behind, and found myself weaving shadows.

You are elusive, ahead of me always, more promising and accomplished than you know, only looking upward. I see that motion from my place of stillness and recognize this is why you glitter so desirably. I look at my path, so different from yours, and wonder what will come of it.

Here is a mystery.

When you make choices...

I know you've made some bad decisions already. Everyone has. But when I look at you, stepping forward into life and standing before my children, I pray for you that you will be transparent and pure in heart.

When you are broken, please break into the hands of God. When you do wrong, let the consequences shatter your self-will then cast yourself humbly into His guidance. When others wrong you, do not blame God, who is working to pour out His grace through their brokenness, even as He works in you.

I am so eager to see you grow and watch you face the challenges that come with life, but I beg God to strengthen you against the temptations that seem small to you now, before you approach them. Oh, I thank God also, for drawing you to Him, for showing His character in you already, in so many ways as you serve the church in your friendships and actions. I see you with your friends and pray. I hear your reputation and smile, and pray.

My children already admire you. I want you to know this. I want it to remain somewhere in your mind as you face the decisions that will direct the course of your life. When you sin, break away from those choices humbly. When you are successful, offer God the glory. Learn your weaknesses and hold yourself up before God's illuminating holiness whenever you are tempted to think you are doing well.

Guard your mind against worldly thinking. Study a godly perspective. And when you have pride, make it only in this--God is holy and pours out His character graciously and generously into those who love Him and seek to serve Him. Remain honored to be humbled, broken, and remade by such a God.

In one year, five years, ten years,... I want to always be able to say I see Christ in you as I do today. I look forward to growing with you in the presence of our King.

Parasitic or Symbiotic

Which am I?

Parasite: An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.

Symbiosis: A relationship of mutual benefit or dependence.

I fear being parasitic within the church, taking what I desire with no concern for giving back in any way, though I am strongly convinced that this is what I am most of the time. *sigh* In friendship and in life, it's easy to believe the excuses that so easily crop up to explain why I don't give more. Yet, I am blind to the ways to think more wisely. This is why I need the wisdom Jesus gave us through the Spirit, and to study the Bible with a mind to change my perspective based on what I learn there. And so, in a way,... it seems that being a parasite upon Christ's grace is the only way to go here. Toward Him, I think that's the way it's intended. Within the Church? Not so much.

The Church is designed to be symbiotic, a network of dependence focused on Christ, but sharing the blessing derived from that relationship in a constant flow of give and take. If we don't accept support or correction from others we are just as effectively breaking the flow as when we refuse to pour wisdom and love into the lives we touch.

In light of this, consider the question Tripp asks in chapter six of War of Words. "What is your 'if only'[...]then I could be happy?"

Honestly? My answer focuses around having good, supportive relationships, where it's always easy to give freely because the other person brings out the best in me. How realistic is that? Hah!

But... a better answer can be found by changing the perspective just a little.

If only ... I could wholeheartedly submit to Christ in my relationships and have the wisdom to help those around me glorify God, while focusing exclusively on serving Him to the point where I no longer perceive my own selfish desires ... then I would rejoice greatly.

In the end, however, I can still rejoice in the perfect work of Christ no matter how well I do in following or serving Him. Now is always the time, with no change in circumstance necessary to the purpose. Being a parasite on Christ's holiness is always worth rejoicing about.