Redeeming Destruction - Eternal Valentine

I'm tired, again, or perhaps I have always been ... this long-drawn weariness that saps away hope and consumes joy. Living on the blade of a knife, feeling the edge always against this artery or that ... motion will cause death, implied.

Yet there comes a suggestion that death is the beginning and not the end. I hesitate, frozen in this place, unwilling to give up what I cannot keep to pursue a future and a hope I cannot imagine.

I examine love, so unavailable, so distant; and nothing I can manufacture or invent by will, desire, or intention will ever bring it inside. Yet the intangible, tangibility of that which cannot be fully defined fractures the veil between shadowed reality and the vivid truth. I stand and, through the gaps, I see beauty surpassing the constructs of distortion.

I discover I'm not free.

But freedom is a relationship, not a place. It is an existence, not a circumstance. It permeates from beyond my space and time, from a dimension I don't understand.

I learn death already has me.

The existence I'm so afraid to lose is the knife upon which I am suspended. Within the veil is the prison; the seeming-reality in which I sought freedom is truly the captivity I fear. But freedom reaches in and calls my heart to face the blade, to move forward through death, to lose all I desire ... or rather to desire far more and better.

I am drawn to look beyond.

Love whispers that it has always been near, and I find that it is so ... woven threads, strands, ropes of hope that radiate when I stare into the light. So long as I am focused beyond the veil, the darkness shows ever so much darker ... but love has invaded and conquered this place. The knife is dulled; the threat has become merely a deception.

Death has been swallowed up and life is victorious.

And ... like a seed fallen into the ground to die, a new beginning is the inevitable result. The very destruction so feared ... destroys only evil and death, leaving a free and abundant life to blossom and bear fruit, up from and out of this earthly cage into the place where life is substance and death a mere vapor that passes away.

Love is so plentiful that there is too much to contain.

Pure life overflows every obstacle of deception and evil ... bringing good.

Overwhelmed, I must share this abundance of joy.

---   ---   ---   ---
A hard lesson I'm in the process of learning ...
---   ---   ---   ---

Even bitter blades wielded by
beloved enemies
are unable to cause more death
than love can overflow with life.

A hateful blade can only destroy death.

Welcome the destruction
of pride and temporal expectation,
and trust life to overflow
with eternal worth.
The veil must be destroyed
so light can pour through.

This is where we learn to
love our enemies,
and do good ...
In suffering.

Restoration pours through
from life itself,
a trustworthy reality.
Doubt might obscure,
but cannot remove the truth,
therefore, live confident.
Within truth is freedom.

---
Sharing with the Faith Barista community.

Pressure

I'm trying to hold on
too much and I expand
to the breaking point,
an explosive sensation,
destructive;
and I will tear apart
until you flow,
unobstructed,
through.

A Seed Fell

I was a seed,
hard-shelled and impervious,
dry and solitary,
treasured in paper,
on a shelf.

When I fell into the earth
I thought the end had come,
lost and alone in the surface; 
no protection from the rain.

But as time passed
I realized true destruction
as I crumbled amid trash and twigs.
Water flowed away my skin,
peeling layer by layer
to saturate the dusty heart
I hadn't known existed.

Drowning, a wave at a time,
I was bound to the earth,
buried and trapped,
and yet ...
I tasted life amid the darkness, 
pouring through particles
of mud and water.

I wondered where
these roots had been
hidden away.
Possibility.
How could I have known
life began in decomposition,
awash in liquid earth,
buried deep.

A pulse above;
I reached,
and there I found
a breath of air,
unexpected leaves ...
unfolding?

Surprising warmth.
I touched light.
Not I,
but that which grew within me,
flooded by external life, 
naturally assured growth.

How could I have known,
back then,
that the husk of a heart
might ever become
a tree reaching
over the river?

Without earth ...
and water ... 
and air ...
and light ...
I would only
have been
a seed.

Thoughts On Waiting

Upon blade of knife
this heart remains suspended
in eternal pause

---

How many times must I realize that it is time to wait?

---

changes loom
like the rumble beneath the earth
one thousand years before a volcano

---

If time could fold,
today and tomorrow might meet
to warn one another
of paths unseen and forgotten.

---

I thought I found a place to stand
but my feet keep slipping forward.

Define Significance

I will not be forgotten
though I am quite unknown,
I will not be neglected ...
for I am not alone.

My memory resides within
the maker of all worth;
wholeness forms by steady hand
to meaning he insured.

No tragedy or mockery
will ever make me less
beloved by the highest king;
and by his love I'm blessed.

I'm placed within his settings
and shaped upon his will.
No other could afflict me
yet build me stronger, still.

By every definition,
my substance solely his;  
though my path may be obscure
I, full of value, live.

---

This was a difficult weekend ... strange how God pulls beauty out of emptiness and desolation.

But here is proof of his sufficiency! For the first time in a very long time I worked on canvas, using acrylic to create a backdrop and texture. I then called on my markers and pens to build the image you see above. It is titled Wind Dancing ... for more detail visit my Facebook page, where I've posted some close-ups and progress photos.

You're missing a lot in this overview image. Some of the detail can only be seen when you're face to face with the canvas ... just like knowing a heart. What you see from a distance may be beautiful, but it is only close up that you discover the intricacy of who they are ... and a deeper appreciation results.

The Unknown Adventure

Today they offer adventures,
prepackaged and secure.
No unexpected or unprecedented
changes to the schedule, please.

Chasing a rainbow into open air,
trusting the fog to contain a path,
living like tomorrow isn't the point
so long as today is good and full ...

No, they don't put those on the shelf.
They grow in the wild, untamed.
To find them, leave the tended paths.
Bring a Guide who knows the wilderness.

De-cluttering the Blog

I will be completely removing all Picasa-stored art and photos from this blog--due to glitches in software, unstructured filing, and transfers between corrupted computers. I am sorting, editing, and reformating older posts to create a more streamlined feel; and expect the process to take a while.

Once I have an organized system the images will return. For now, please forgive the broken image links and general disarray. If all goes well, I'll have all my posts and artworks sorted and categorized, ready for future growth.

Better to do this now and get it over with than wait and have an even worse mess when I'm busier.